Jesus is Enough

I’ve been thinking lately how focused our culture is on relationships with the opposite sex. I’ve been told my entire life that it is natural for kids to get crushes once they hit puberty, and as a result of that, it is natural for a relationship to ensue. While I recognize that certain hormones and body changes occur at a certain age, I don’t think it follows that there should be a relationship. I think the book “The Three Weavers” is a perfect example. In this book, the there are three weavers who each have a daughter. Now there is a prophecy concerning the three girls saying that they will marry a prince one day if they can weave a cloak that perfectly fits him. Now each daughter is given a loom on which she can weave her prince’s cloak. Each weaver has his own way of preparing his daugher for the task. The first weaver allows his daughter to do as she pleases upon the loom, never checking to see how she fares. The second weaver keeps it hidden from her. When she finds it and asks him about it, he yells at her and forbids her from touching it. The third father waits until his daughter finds it and asks him about it, then he quietly and gently guides her as she learns the proper way to weave. When the handsom boys of her girlish fancy pass by, her father quietly reminds her to measure them by the standard of his rod and see if they fit the cloak, which is being made for her prince. The other two girls clip their weaving whenever they desire and give it to one boy after another, so that when the princes arrive the cloaks are not fit for a slave and their eyes are opened to see what the boys of their girlish fancies truly are. The third girl had the same girlish fancies and desires as her companions, but she learned to guard her heart and wait for something greater and better than she could imagine in her mind. While her companions were left brokenhearted and full of remorse, she was reaping her rewards. Does it make sense to let the girls in our world today clip their weavings to give to any lad that comes along?

We as Christians are also too focused on relationships. The majority of youth groups I have been to are usually either discussing relationships or have people flaunting their relationships. When I have gone to Woman’s bible studies, a lot of the conversation, no matter what was being studied, was on the role of woman as wives. Please understand that I do think this is a good thing…we need to have a good biblical understanding of our roles. I am just trying to make the point that whether we are married or single, the majority of us are focused on relationships. This isn’t a bad thing, by any means. What is bad is that we focus on the wrong relationships, or we focus on good relationships too much. The one relationship we need to be focusing on, we are often all to busy to focus on. This is our relationship with Jesus Christ.

My whole life I have wanted to get married, have kids, and be a stay at home home schooling Mom. This desire is still in me, and it is a good desire. However, my perspective on relationships and on what is important is being transformed. My entire life I have believed in saving my heart and body for one man – my husband. I still believe in purity of heart and body. But my perspective has changed in how to go about preparing myself for marriage, if that is indeed in my future. While I still believe it is good to prepare for marriage by learning basic house hold activities like cooking, washing, and cleaning, I no longer think it should be a young woman’s primary focus. Leslie Ludy spoke on this topic in her podcast “Is Jesus Really Enough?” on her website www.setapartgirl.com. She talks about how if we give our whole hearts to Jesus; if he really is enough to satisfy our innermost longings, than we will be free to give unconditionally in the relationships we are in. Many of us get married hoping to have certain desires fulfilled by our spouse, but in reality those desires can only be satisfied the lover of our souls – Jesus. If we allow Jesus to be our lover, than we will be more free to love unconditionally. Instead of focusing so much on what our roles are as wives or daughters, we should focus on our relationship with Christ. Once this happens, there will be a natural out pouring of our hearts upon those around us.

I had a friend ask me “Don’t you wish you have a boyfriend, like I do?” My answer is this: if I was a non believer, than I would definitely have a strong desire, perhaps even need, for a boyfriend. As a Christian the desire for companionship is here, but Jesus can fill that desire. So while the desire for marriage may never leave, the need for it can and will. In the words of Leslie’s sister-in-law Krissy (http://setapartgirl.com/my-podcast/Entries/2008/9/15_Krissy%E2%80%99s_Story.html), “today I am called to be single.”

So I felt challenged with the question that Leslie discussed; Is Jesus really enough? I recognize that I have put Jesus on the back burner, attending to other things first. I love my Lord and Savior, and I have for a long time, but I have not always made Him my first priority. I am putting Him first now, before everything else. And I know that He can satisfy my every desire. I learned that through all my moving around and shifting of friends from one country to another. I need to work on my relationship with my Beloved, but I know that He is enough. James says “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” Thank You Lord Jesus!

http://setapartgirl.com/my-podcast/Entries/2008/11/17_Is_Jesus_Really_Enough.html

Venting

It really irks me when information is presented that is not accurate, and people just take it as it is without researching to make sure it’s true. I guess I’m hypocritical in this aspect because I don’t research all information presented to me either. I don’t take everything I hear and believe it either. I am human, in no way perfect, and I realize that if I’m going to complain about this I need to work on my own weakness in this area. This is why I bring it up; I was in church once when a brochure was handed out about the state of different churches around the world, and some information was presented about a certain country that I am familiar with and have some inside information about. This brochure talked about how this country was not longer on the U.S priority list because they are supposedly “religiously tolerant” which is in no way true. Christians in that country are being persecuted every day, and are even being pursued into other countries and forced to return, so that they can be persecuted some more, or even be killed! All for the religious beliefs. This angered me, because if Christians just take this information as truth than it would not be all that unlikely that they would not feel as strong a need to pray for their brothers and sisters in that country. These brothers and sisters need our prayers!

It’s hard from me, coming from my background of being raised overseas and seeing much of the world, and living in apathetic America. And I’m not saying that I’m better than my neighbor. I’m not. I’m sure that there are areas that I am apathetic about it. It’s just that the environment here is so much different! Sometimes I feel like screaming “listen to me! Let me share with you what I saw.” At the same time I cringe from saying anything, because I don’t want to talk to someone who is waiting for the first opportunity to escape. Especially when so few people actually understand where I’m coming from. I realize though, that I’m not helping anyone from keeping quiet. I need to say something to someone. It’s even harder because I’m not like the “average” teenager. I don’t party (not the drinking, smoking, dancing party anyway) or date. I’m not in any way fashionable (wasn’t practical in dusty, dirty village). I not interested in the college party experience or being independent from my family. I love my family. They are my best friends. I’d rather make a difference in someones life than get a career. I like the idea of being a full time mom, and I plan on homeschooling. And just because of all these things and the fact that I was home schooled and am part of a close knit family, I’ve been told by people I love that I need to get out and see more of the world. I am too sheltered. This makes me want to say, “but let me tell you about the world. You tell me about parties, and I’ll tell you about hardship. You tell me about boys and relationships, and I’ll tell you about broken marriages and marriages that have been restored. You tell me about your boyfriend/girlfriend cheating on you, and I’ll tell you about polygamy and fidelity. You tell me about going to college to get a career, and I’ll tell you about my friend who only graduated from the 6th grade, and got a good, high paying job. Let me tell you about my friends. Their lively hood depends on farming. I’m not talking about tractors and expensive equipment. I’m talking about backbreaking work with oxen or buffaloes. Their children start working (hoeing in the garden/fields, gathering food, chopping wood, sewing, cooking, etc) at 5 years old. Girls are cooking and washing clothes for the entire family by the time their 10 usually. These girls aren’t raised to go to college, party, get a career, and lead a busy life. This girls are raised to get married, have kids, and work hard their entire life. These people live in fear of evil spirits. Every time someone is sick, they summon a shaman and perform a demon ceremony. They have no freedom. Everything, including where they live, is determined by the evil spirits. They believe a spirit lives everywhere. In their door posts, the trees, rocks, water, etc. This is the world I know. This is a world more real than college parties.”

My friends live hard lives. But they are happier than most of the people I have seen here who have it easy. It’s not riches that make you happy. If your not happy now, having more money won’t make you happy. These people would love to have the wealth that we Americans have. But I am almost afraid to give it to them, or see them come into it, because I see what it has done to America. But I suppose I am being really negative, and I really shouldn’t.

I’m grateful because I know that God is great and He has plans for us. This Song called “God of this City” by the Irish band Bluetree is a great reminder to us of who our God is.

You’re the God of this City
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation
You are
You’re the Light in this darkness
You’re the Hope to the hopeless
You’re the Peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

Influentual Woman in My Life Part 3

Tong Mi, who goes by the english name of Charis, has been in my life for as long as I can remember. She started working for my family when I was little, and then eventually started living with us. Because she has esentially lived in our house since I was just a wee lassie, she is just like a sister to me and my siblings. My entire family considers her one of us. Charis was the daughter of the village prostitute, and had no idea who her father was. She had no desire to follow her mother’s footsteps, even though her mother persistently tried to marry her off the rich families. She started living with us when she was 13. Whatever village we moved to, Charis moved with us. When we went on home assignment we tried to find good schools for her to go to, so that she wouldn’t have to be in her village. Charis was a hard worker, and was the one my mother always refered to as an example when she talked to me about work and efficiency. Charis was also patient. It was her job to teach me how to do embroidery, and at the time I wasn’t in any way interested. I wanted to be out playing, not sitting in a chair sewing. Despite all that, she was very patient with me. If there was one thing I allowed her to teach me, it was how to read and write Hmong. She taught classes on how to read and write at our local church, and I went to them. Charis is a sweet, loving person who is just fun to be around. She is now married and has two lovely little girls. She named them Paj Zaub (vegetable flower) and Paj Ntaub (embroidery). Paj Ntaub just happens to be my Hmong name :)

Charis has definetely been a big influence in my life.

Influentual Woman in My Life Part 2

When I think of a proverbs 31 woman, several woman come to mind. However there is one woman in particular I want to talk about. This woman clearly brought to life for me the vigorous, energetic, and joyful side of the Proverbs 31 woman. For the sake of this post, I am going to call her Abigail. I have chosen to call her Abigail for several reasons. First, because Abigail means “my father’s joy.” Although Abigail and her father didn’t always have the best of relationships, I would be surprised to find out that her father didn’t consider her his joy on his death bed when she was his only child who cared about him enough to spend weeks at a time by his side at the hospital. Even if her earthly father did not consider Abigail his joy, I know that her heavenly Father does. Second, because in the Bible Abigail was a godly woman who was described as both beautiful and wise.

To start off with, Abigail’s life story is bitter-sweet one. She grew up in a Hmong Village in the mountains of norther Thailand. Her family was typical. Her father was a village shaman (witch doctor) and had two wives. Her mother was the first wife, and as she grew older, was not treated well by Abagail’s father. Abagail’s father hated Christians. Abigail never had an education any higher than the 6th grade, but she was a hard worker. She moved from her rural mountain village into the city of Bangkok, Thailand’s capital. She found a good job, worked hard, and despite her low education, was a highly valued employee. It was in Bangkok that Abigail met her husband, Sian.

Sian had grown up in a Hmong village just above Abagail’s. His parents were Christians, but in name only. His father was a drug dealer, and his mother died in a fire when he was very young. Every member in his family, except his father, was in that fire and not one of them escaped it unscathed. One of his sister’s died in the fire, another sister lost several toes. Of all the survivors Sian got the worst. His legs were severely burned and had to be amputated just above the knees. After sian lost his legs, his father declared he would have to remarry because he needed a son that wasn’t worthless. Sian has spent the rest of his life trying to erase the image of being useless.

I met Sian when I was a little girl between the ages of 6 and 8. He was one of my favorite “big kids” (aka. teenagers). Sian lived with us for a few months, and I found out pretty fast that he was a genius. He could fix anything we needed fixed. He even fixed stuff the mechanics couldn’t fix for us. But it wasn’t his genius that made him one of my favorites. It was his heart. He was very kind to me. I remember him racing me around in his wheelchair and popping wheelies. I loved it.

Years later I still remembered him and would wonder where he was and what he was doing. Sometimes I prayed for him. My family had heard that he got a high paying computer job in Bangkok, and I was very proud of him.

Abigail’s brother had married Sian’s sister, so when Abigail moved to Bangkok she had already heard about him. They met there and married. Abigail’s family told her she was foolish to marry a disabled man, but she refused to listen. In their marriage life, Abagail’s greatest fear was children. Sian wanted children, but Abigail did not because she had a disabled husband, and she feared the responsibility of raising them on her own. They did, however, have children. Abigail gave birth to a little boy that I will call Joseph. A year later Abigail discovered she was pregnant again. She was absolutely sure that this time her baby was a girl. At this time, tragedy struck Abigail’s life and her world was turned upside down. Two weeks before she was due to give birth, Sian had gone home to visit his family without telling Abigail and had gotten himself arrested. He had lent his car to a friend, who, evidently without Sian’s knowledge, filled it up with drugs. Someone tipped off the police and they arrested Sian and his friends. His friends testified that Sian did not know the drugs were there, and the police acknowledge that Sian was not physically capable of loading the car with the drugs. Despite all this, Sian was sentenced to 50 years in jail because he would not cooperate with the police and the court and reveal all who were involved (we suspect his father was).

Abigail was stripped of her husband and was left 9 months pregnant with her year old son to fend for herself. Abigail went through months of court hearings, in the midst of which she gave birth to her second son, not the daughter she wanted. Despite the turmoil into which he was born into, the second son was a great comfort to Abigail, because he daily reminded her that she was not alone. Abigail was not a Christian, but prior to the boy’s birth, Abigail had had several dreams in which a man came to her and said “this is your son. I am giving him to you.” Abigail did not know what these dreams meant, but when she gave birth to a boy, she believed that those dreams were not coincidental. Eventually, Abigail was forced to leave Bangkok and return to her village. She could not afford to live in the city with two young children.

For two years after Sian’s imprisonment, Abigail lived in the village trying to find work so that she could raise her boys. In the Hmong culture, her husband’s family should have taken care of her, but they refused to. Her own family only let her live with them as long as they did because of their self-image. Her family and friends were pressuring her to divorce her husband and remarry. In the Hmong Culture, divorcing your husband means divorcing your children. If you remarry, then your children stay behind with your family. They are no longer your children. Abigail could not do that. She wanted to keep her children.

One day Abigail remembered a white Christian teach her husband had talked about, and she decided to find them and ask them for help. This is how I met Abigail. One day she suddenly appeared at our gate with her older son. She told us her story and asked my parents if they knew where there was a hostile where she could leave her children while she went to the city to find work. All the hostiles she had been to only took children ages 5 and up, and her children were two and three. We did not know of any hostiles that would take children so young, so we offered to hire her as Bobby’s nanny and as a house worker.

Once we offered her our home, we had to figure out where to put her and her boys. I offered to share my room with them, which was the most sensible place to put them, so they moved in with me. I had just turned 14 at the time, and I have to say that my 14th year was very life changing. When Abigail came to us, she was very angry, hurt, bitter, and sad. She placed her value in her ability to work hard, and tried to prove herself to us through her work. We had to show her through our actions that we loved her for who she was, rather than for what she did.

I learned a lot that year. I learned a lot about patience when I had two little boys running around my room yelling and giggling at midnight. I learned a lot about forgiveness as I watched Abigail let go of her anger and bitterness towards those who had hurt and used her. I learned about unconditional love when I watched Abigail care for her dying father, the one man in her life who should have been her protector and encourager in her time of need, but who was not. I learned about ministry as I watched my mother talking to her and I saw her soaking up everything she heard, and then watched her pass it on. I learned about parenting as I saw one mother counseling another mother. I learned so much that even today I am sure I don’t fully realize all that I learned.

One of the first things that I realized very quickly that I would have to deal with was discipline. The Hmong people I grew up with tend to threaten to discipline their kids, but they rarely followed it through. I learned very quickly as a child that my friend’s parents only disciplined their kids when they were angry and fed up with the child’s disobedience. As a teenager I came to see very quickly that if they would only follow through with their threats, they would not have nearly as many problems with their kids.
Like other Hmong mothers, Abigail did not follow through with disciplining her boys, and I found myself kept awake all hours of the night while the boys played to their heart’s content. Abigail was so eager to learn about God’s word that she would collapse on her bed and read her bible and sing hymms as soon as it was bedtime. Her singing didn’t bother me; I could sleep through that. I couldn’t sleep with two giggling boys running around the room playing and, occasionally, whining to mommy when something happened that they didn’t like. We had a dresser, a closet, and two single mattresses in the room, and that was our only furniture. We chose to lay our mattresses straight on the floor, rather than having beds, and we had a mat and blankets in between the two mattresses. Abigail took one mattress, I took the other, and the boys slept on the mat and blankets. When they first moved in with me, I had two toddlers (2 and 3 yrs old) running over me in my sleep, giggling and wrestling, at 10 or 11 at night. They learned pretty quick that my mattress was off limits. Eventually, I learned that Abigail wasn’t going to do anything to put the boys to bed. They only went to sleep when the lights went out, and that was not because the lights kept them up. That was because no one made them lay still any sooner than that. I decided that since they were in my room, I could tell them to lay still after 9 o’clock at night. Once I established that rule and they learned I wasn’t just saying they had to lie still and that I really meant it, they did really well. Abigail caught on fast, and pretty soon she was making them go to bed right away. So these two adorable toddlers taught me about patience and discipline.

Abigail and her sons arrived a couple months before Christmas, and we decided that we needed to find a way to teach them about Christmas. We felt like it was important to teach about creation, the fall of man, and the key stories in the bible that led up to Christ’s birth, so every night I would teach bible stories on flanograph for the boys. The boys could have cared less, though, about the stories. They wanted to play with the phlanograph, but Abigail soaked up every story I told like a sponge. It was both fascinating and very encouraging to watch her as she took God’s word to heart and applied it to her life. I feel very privaleged to have been able to see her grow like that.

Abigail’s greatest contributions to her growth, though, was her daily study of God’s word. After Abigail had lived with us for several months, another missionary offered to take Abigail in at her bible school. Abigail could enroll her two sons, Joseph and Emanuel, in the local school and study while they were at school. Abigail would have lodging, and the ability to grow some of her own food as well. The bible school system was rotating between two months at school, and then a month at home. So Abigail moved about an hour a way, and we saw her every two months when she came home from Bible school. She grew a lot at bible school.

The ultimate test came when her father was diagnosed with cancer. Even though all of Abigail’s siblings had their own homes and their own land, and Abigail had very few earthly possessions that could be fit into a few sacks (bags/suitcases,etc), her brothers and sisters threw the burden of caring for her father onto her. The rarely went to see him at the hospital (which was five to six hours from where we lived) and expected the single, practically penniless Abigail to care for him. She did. She left her two sons with us for weeks at a time while she went and cared for her dying father in the hospital. She truly loved him, and had she not cared for him he may not have been cared for. Not only was he diagnosed with cancer, but he also broke his leg (I don’t remember how), so he was incapable of visiting the bathroom. Abigail was frustrated with her sibling for their heartlessness, and a little hurt by her father for his thanklessness. But Abigail proved invaluable to her father, for she told him about Jesus everyday, and only a few days before his death my father had the privelage of leading him to Christ. That would not have been possible if it had not been for Abigail.

Right before we returned to the U.S, we helped Abigail find a job for another missionary, and while working there she made enough money to build herself a house in her village. She lives there now with her two sons and her mother. Not long ago, through the kind donations of children in a VBS program, Abigail was able to purchase a sewing machine, a motorcycle, and secure sewing lessons. At the end of six months of lessons, Abigail will be able to open a sewing shop of her own. My father visited her recently and saw her handiwork, which he said was absolutely amazing. I remember very well that while she lived with us, Abigail was always coming up with ideas on clothes she could sew and sell. She had beautiful ideas, and I am confident she will do well.

Everything Abigail does, she does with energy. Abigail was always energetic and always smiling and laughing. She was a bubbly person when she came to us, even though she was burdened and sad. But now she is just overflowing with joy. She is very diligent, very determined, and very reliable. Whatever she sets her heart to, she accomplishes and accomplishes well. She grew up in a community of farmers, and she learned at a young age that if you don’t work hard, you don’t eat.

I would like to share several things that God taught me through Abigail.

Forgiveness: I saw forgiveness displayed first hand. I’ve always thought that if anyone on this earth had a reason to be unforgiving, it was Abigail. Abigail, however, made the ever difficult, but freeing, choice to forgive the people who had hurt her the most. Abigail’s forgiveness was was shown very clearly to me when she chose to set aside her life and spend several months in the hospital with the one man who was not there for her when she needed him most. Abigail had been deeply hurt by her father’s conduct towards her mother and towards herself. Even in the hospital when she was the only one to truly care for her, he would say hurtful things about her. Despite all this, Abigail did not let the hurtful and unkind words and actions of others to dictate her own actions.

Discipline: One thing I learned from Abigail, Joseph, and Emanuel is that Solomon wasn’t kidding when he said in Proverbs 13:24 that if you spare the rod you hate your child. The transformation that took place in the boys’ hearts and behavior before and after they were disciplined was truly amazing. I saw that discipline is not simply punishment, but a form of guidance. My mother made sure both Abigail and I knew that when we told the kids what not to do, we needed to explain to them what they should do.  It was a lot easier for the boys to stop doing one thing after they knew what they could do. Once the boys were consistently disciplined (not to be confused with punishment), their behavior displayed more security and joy.

Work: There are several people in this world that I can name off the top of my head that really displayed the meaning of a “hard worker” to me, and Abigail is one of them. She was a hard worker, and she taught me a lot about work through her examples, though she does not know it.  The Hmong woman in general work hard, but not with the joy and energy that Abigail displayed. When someone give Abigail work, they know it will get done and it will be done well.

Missions: Abigail taught me a lot about missions as well. I had been imersed in missions work my entire life, but up until that point my involvement was limited. When Abigail and her two boys entered my life, I was forced to be intriquitely involved. I coulnd’t be a bystander or even partially involved, because I had offered them my personal space. For a little over a year, I had no personal space. Abigail taught me that the some of the best ways to reach out to people is to build a relationship with them and to show them God’s love. My family embraced Abigail, Joseph, and Emanuel and essentially made them a part of our family, and in doing thus we showed ourselves as set apart. No one else, not even her own family, had even come close to helping her, and some strangers opened their homes to her. That showed her a love she had never seen before. I can’t speak for my family, but I can say for myself that it was not selflessness that made me offer my room to her. It was pure ingorance and spontaneity, and it was partially selfish. It sounded like fun and somewhat adventurous to have a strange woman and two strange boys living in my room with me. But I soon discovered that God had brought Abigail and the boys to us for better reasons than to satisfy my love for spontaneity and fun. I don’t know how much of a difference I made in their lives, but I can say that they most definetely made a humungous difference in my life. By bringing Abigail into my life God taught me several things. First, that life is not all about me. Second, that my problems paled in comparison to hers. Third, that putting others before yourself can be most satisfactory and edifying. Fourth, it gave me a different perspective on God’s love, his unconditional love.  Through Abigail, God showed me the extent of His love for His foolish, sinful children.

I still am not able to comprehend and communicate all that I have learned from God through Abigail, but this is just the start.

Influentual Woman in my Life – Part 1

Her children arise up, and call her blessed ~ Proverbs 31:28

I have been blessed with the influence of many many incredible woman in my life. I have never had to look at a woman I know well and love and say “I don’t want to be like her.” Most of the woman who have extreme influence in my life are all woman who I want to be like in some way. Many of these woman do not even know how much of an influence they have had and are having in my life, so I would like to do a series on the most influential woman in my life as a tribute to them and as a way to say “Thank you.”
Naturally, the first woman to talk about is my mother. She is the most beautiful, wisest woman I know. She has been insulted and hurt and she took it gracefully. She has been complimented and she has a lot of people looking up to her, and she gives God the credit. She has not been afraid to admit her mistakes to her children, and has not been afraid to show us she is human. She is wise and humble. She has ministered to many woman, and has given her life to serving her family. She has gone many times without friends to talk to, and she has kept our family strong. She has served us well, and we do not thank her nearly enough. She disciplined us as children, corrected and advised us as young adults. She offers unceasing prayer up for her children, and for those my parents minister to. She is truly amazing. God knew what he was doing when He chose her as my mother.

I was the first child in my family to be kept home with my parents and not be sent to boarding school. All three of my older siblings were sent to boarding school for a period time, but by the time I was born my parents had become aware of the choice of homeschooling. In third grade my older brother, Daniel, was brought home to be taught by my Mother, and my sister, Ruth-Anne, was brought home in ninth Grade. My eldest brother, John-Mark, chose to come home for his last year of High School after being in boarding school since the first grade. My Mother dedicated a lot of her time to educating my siblings and I. One thing I am most grateful to her for is that she took great pains to impress upon us the importance of good character over good grades, and the also instilled in us the love of learning. She spent a lot of time reading to Daniel and I when we were younger. We loved reading, and those hours we spent reading as a family were very special. She accommodated our love of reading with hundreds of books, but not just any books. She found good books that would build character and stretch our thinking.

Living in the village, she also gave us freedom. She let us be dirty. We ran with the pigs and the chickens. We helped our friends take the cows to the pasture. We went to the fields with our neighbors (although they would not let us help in them). We kept chickens, rabbits, dogs, cats, guinea pigs, and hamsters. We learned that the best toys are usually natural, like rocks and sticks. Our favorite balls to play with were pigs stomachs. We helped kill and clean chickens and fish, and we watched the killing and butchering of pigs. We learned about life through experience.

However, she didn’t just give us freedom. She also gave us responsibilities. She made us work. We had chores. She taught me that work may not be fun, but it needs to be done (although I still don’t like it).

As I grew older, I made things more difficult for her. Through it all she remained patient and she prayed…hard. I hit Junior High just as we returned to the U.S for home assignment. I started going to a Junior High Youth Group at a church where we lived. Although the leadership at the youth group never said anything against our parents, the general atmosphere in the group was that parents were old fashioned and didn’t understand us kids. I remember a clash I had with a good friend very clearly. Our group leader was asking for prayer requests, and I asked for prayer because my mom and I weren’t getting along. My friend responded with “that’s normal.” This angered me and I said “Maybe for you it is.” I still valued her influence, but something snapped when we returned to Thailand. I shut down and refused to talk to her. She tried to talk to me, and she tried giving me books to read, but I wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t see past myself. I needed a rude awakening.

Thankfully, God started working in my heart. I randomly picked up a book one day that my Mother had previously tried to read to me. It was called “Beautiful Girlhood.” I took the book seriously and God opened my heart to hear the words of my Mother. She listened as I told her different things the book said, and she gave her input. She bought me other books along similar lines, and she spoke to me about my role as a daughter and a sister. She helped me to see past myself.

She has dedicated a lot of time to me. One of my fondest memories of our time together in my High School years was during a conference our mission had. It was extremely busy, and we wouldn’t see each other all day. But every morning I would get up, go to her room and lay in bed with her and talk before we went to breakfast. This is just an example of her dedication. She has taken time off to listen to me my entire life. She is an extremely wise woman. She is constantly dropping her nuggets of wisdom in my lap. I love driving in the car with her, because we always have great conversations. Sometimes she tells me about what God is teaching her in her daily bible studies. Sometimes she talks about something she heard in the news, and talks about human nature and what the bible says. Sometimes she tells me about accidents she hears about in the news, and what that driver did wrong, so that I can learn from it and be a safer and better driver. She teaches me something new everyday without even trying.

She has been a wonderful mother. My brothers will testify to that, I am sure. I know she has been a listening ear to us all.

Not only has my mother been a wonderful mother to my siblings and I, but she has also been a wonderful mother and friend to others who are not her biological children. When I was young, my parents extended their arms out to a young 13 year old girl whose mother was the village prostitute. This young woman lived with us for as long as I can remember, and has always been considered our sister. When we moved from the village she was born in, she moved with us. My brothers played the same pranks on her as they did on my sister and I. And my Mother was and is a mother to her as well.

When my family returned from home assignment in the U.S in the fall of 2001, we moved into a Thai town rather than a Hmong village. My parents extended their arms out to two Hmong High School girls and invited them to come live with us and go to school in the Thai town. Both girls were girls my family has known my entire life. My mother was very kind to both girls. One of the girls studied very hard, and if allowed, would bury herself in homework all day long. Because of this, my mother required the two of them to cook some meals to make sure that they took breaks from studying.

Several years ago, my family made friends with a young Christian Thai couple in the town we lived in. Not very long into our friendship with them, their marriage fell apart. They were running a Christian Guest house at the time, and the owner let them go because of their broken marriage. My parents invited them to live in our home until they could each find a place of their own. This young couple had a two year old daughter. My mother listened to the young woman and counseled her as best she could. And I know the young woman appreciated my mother’s friendship.

Not to long after that family left our house, my parents opened up our house to another young woman with two little boys. This young woman’s husband had been put in jail and both her family and her husbands family had rejected her and her two boys. My mother opened up her arms to this young woman. She spent many hours listening to this young woman as she cried and poured out her heart. She gave her work to do around the house, and comforted her. She showed the young woman the love of God. My mother gave her advice on raising her sons, and she gave the young woman the love that she needed. But most of all, my Mother has been an amazing example to all of us.

She is truly The Wing Beneath My Wings and she’s my hero.

That Little Girl

In her own little world she stays,

wondering when the day will come

when they will be a family again.

It’s a Sunday and her cousins are playing and

she’s out back doing the washing.

She wants to play to, but she knows she’s too poor

That Little Girl

Her Daddy’s in Jail

Her Mommy’s working

Someone’s gotta stay home and do the cooking

That Little Girl

Six years old

She’s all alone

Her uncle says “your mom will come home”

She wants to cry

But she’s gotta stay strong for her sister

‘Cause she’s too little to understand

That little Girl.

Jesus, I ask you

to watch over that little girl

She needs a loving hand,

She needs her father’s love

And she doesn’t know it,

but he’s watchin’ o’er her everyday

‘Cause you watch over all your children

So Jesus, I pray, show that Little Girl you love some way.

And that Little Girl’s out back washing clothes

While her cousins play

‘Cause Daddy’s in jail

And Mommy’s working

And someone’s gotta stay home and do the cooking

That Little Girl.

Her smile lights up the day,

and her eyes look so alone

She’s a girl grown early old

And her heavenly father looks down in love at

His Little Girl.

My Graduation Speech

I have been blessed. We have been blessed here in America. As the brilliant singer/songwriter Rich Mullins once said, God did not bless us so that we could heap those blessings on ourselves, but so that we could turn around and bless others. I, for one, tend to forget that life is not all about me, but all about Jesus Christ and God our Father. It is my desire tonight to challenge you to join me in living a passion filled life for Jesus Christ. What we do, where we go, who we are, why we are here…that is all about Jesus Christ. He has placed each one of us where we are for a reason. He has given each one of us our passions and dreams for a reason.

One passion He has given me is for Justice. Our God is a just God. He hates injustice. All around the world today, there are men, woman, and children who have been enslaved and are in bondage. It is my desire to stand and fight for these men, woman, and children and to bring to them the hope of Jesus Christ. I believe with all my heart that God has given me this passion, and that He will lead me as I seek to fight injustice. What is your passion? What desire has God placed on your heart? Are you listening to it? Allow me to challenge you to not allow yourself to miss out on any part of God’s plan for your life. Whatever your excuse for not acting upon your passion, God is bigger than it. If your excuse has anything to do with age, you need to get a little more creative than that. For those of you who are younger that me – and it feels really funny saying that since I’m not very old – now is your time. Don’t let these years go by wasted. Many of us, whatever stage of life we are in, look forward to certain things.

For example, growing up the ages 16, 18, and 21 were the big numbers I was told to look forward to. I learned to look forward to those ages even though I didn’t really have a reason to. Most people generally associate turning 16 with two things: dating and driving. I didn’t have either to look forward to. I had decided long before my 16th birthday not to date, and my family couldn’t afford insurance for me to drive. And yet, I was still mildly excited. Why? Because for some strange reason I thought I would be a different person after my 16th birthday. I was wrong. You can’t suddenly be more responsible and mature over night. I have learned that we can not expect to be tomorrow different than who we are today, if we are not trying today to be who we want to be tomorrow.

My challenge to you is this: don’t wait until you are graduating from Junior High, turning 16, turning 18 and graduating from high school, or graduating from college to be the person God wants you to be and to do what God is calling you to do. It doesn’t matter how old we are or how educated we are. God only wants are obedience and He can and will do the rest. So while I am excited to be here tonight and am looking forward to seeing what God will be doing in the coming years, I believe that in the long run, today is no different than yesterday. Those of us who are graduating tonight are turning new pages in our lives, but we did the same thing as babies. The day we learned to talk we turned a page. The day we learned to walk we turned a page, and the day we learned to write we turned a page. The day we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior we turned a page. You see, I believe that if you and I live in obedience to Jesus Christ everyday of our lives, whether we are 5 years old or 50 years old, and whether or not we even graduate from Junior High, High School, or College, God can and will use us to impact the world in ways we could never imagine. So I am going to endeavor to surrender my everyday life to Jesus Christ and live in obedience today, and not worry about tomorrow, and I am asking you to join me.

Divorce and Polygamy

Well, I have so much running through my head lately and I have been extremely busy, rendering me indecisiveness on what to post about first. However, a topic on a forum (www.homeschoolalumni.org…if you are a home school alumni/graduate, check it out!) got me thinking on a this extremely fascinating topic, so I decided to write about it.

In the United States, polygamy is illegal and divorce is legal. The bible never (to my knowledge) actually directly addresses polygamy, but it does address divorce. It does, however, encourage only having one wife. As clarification, I do not endorse, approve, or advise polygamy! My point is this: in a culture where divorce is extremely common and polygamy not (it’s illegal…oh wait, I already said that), Christians make excuses for divorce (which the Bible directly addresses) but feels very strongly about polygamy (which is not, to my knowledge, directly addressed by the Bible).

Let me present a scenario: A married man gets involved with his secretary at a Christian organization. The secretary was a virgin when this man had her became pregnant. In disgrace and under the usual threats, this man had to decide which “family” he wanted. So, he chose the younger and divorced the first wife with something like six kids. The church, with the view that a man can not have “two wives,” forced the man to choose between his wife and the secretary. This, I believe, is wrong.

Another scenario: A newly saved divorced and re-married man is forced to leave his current wife by the church and return to his first wife (because a man should not have more than two wives…and divorce is wrong?) Does this even make sense!?!

Alright, neither of these scenarios are straight-in-your-face polygamy, but the philosophy behind the churches actions are their beliefs on polygamy.

Now you may be wondering what spurred this conversation in the forum. Let me present to you a less modern scenario that does deal with polygamy…and the church:

A man married a woman. Later, he married her sister, to, which made everyone happy. Then some missionaries came along, and they got saved. In this story, the missionaries said he couldn’t be a Christian and have two wives, so they forced him to divorce one. After much hard deliberation, the older sister decided to voluntarily leave, in order to cause as little heartache as possible. Well, in the culture that he (the man with two wives) was in, certain work went to the men, and certain work went to the wives. She was getting burdened by all the work, and wanted him to find another wife. She was really glad he chose her sister, since they loved each other and this way got to spend more time together. It was a really happy relationship.”

This last scenario was refering to a Native American family from eons ago. Interestingly enough, the culture described in the scenario is quite similar to the one I grew up in. The only limit a Hmong man had on how many wives he could take was how many he could handle. I don’t recall ever having seen any families with more than one wife truly happy, but my family would not have advised any man to divorce a wife just because he had accepted Christ. Hmong woman generally married in order to have a home, not because of “love” (at least, not the wishy-washy love).

If a man has two wives before he becomes a Christian, should he be forced to divorce one after he becomes a Christian? I do not think so. I wonder why, when the bible is so strong about divorce, Christians are so willing to have a man or woman divorce in order to prevent having “two wives?” Two wrongs don’t make a right.

In case your thinking that these can’t be true scenarios…they are. I got them from people who have seen it happen…several times. My question is: Why?

Now, don’t get me wrong. Divorce is a tough subject, and sometimes it is almost unavoidable. My problem is when people take something the Bible doesn’t say a whole lot about and use it to do something the Bible says God hates!

Well, I think I exhausted my thoughts on this topic….so comment away!

Becoming My Father’s Joy

“When the noise had subsided, Kevin sat down on a stool and faced us. His expression became serious and he took a deep breath to signal that he was about to begin that night’s ‘devo.’ ‘I want you guys to realize,’ he began sincerely, that I understand where you are at in life. I know that, like, not a single one of you in this room is, like, actually getting along with your parents.”

“My mouth opened slightly in surprise as he looked at us knowingly. ‘In fact, he added in a challenging tone, ‘if anyone here can say with complete honesty that they actually like to be with your parents…raise your hands now.”

“…My heart began to pound as not a single one of my peers raised their hand. But the truth was, I could have raised my hand. I loved my parents. I loved spending time with them. At the confusing age of thirteen, I valued their support and encouragement and advice. I met Kevin’s probing gaze and he lifted a questioning eyebrow as if to say, ‘So…you want to contradict me?”

“…This was not a benign group. If I were to raise my hand and challenge the words of our ever-cool, highly esteemed study leader, Kevin…I would be mocked.”

“…I pursed my lips together and kept my hand down. After several heavy seconds of awkward silence, Kevin went on with his speech. ‘Just as I thought,’ he remarked with a sly grin. ‘No one in here has a good relationship with their parents. Now since I know that to be true, I want you all to know that during this time of you life when you can’t, like, relate to mom and dad anymore…I’m here. Hey, I’m young and I can relate to what you’re going through. I mean, your parents haven’t been in high school since, like, before the Dark Ages. Let’s be real here, your parents are like, kind of…out of it, you know?”

“…Confusion swirled around in my mind as I hurried out of the youth room that fateful night. According to Kevin, now that I was thirteen, I was supposed to start hating my parents. What is wrong with me? Why am I not normal? Maybe I really was the only one in that entire group who could have raised my hand…Maybe Kevin is right – maybe something is wrong with me if I like my parents. After all, he’s a Christian youth pastor!!” ~ When Dreams Come True by Eric & Leslie Ludy

 

Unfortunately, while I have never heard a youth pastor come straight out and speak so disrespectfully about parents, I have detected the attitude displayed in this quote in several youth groups I have attended. During my (almost) 3 year residence in the United States, I have come to perceive in Christian circles certain attitudes regarding the family relationship that are unbiblical and very detrimental to the Christians and society in general. Reading books like When Dreams Come True and just talking to Christian youth has really opened my eyes in many ways and has taught me a lot. I realized that is very easy for me as a home schooler and someone who spent most of my life away from the pop-culture to judge and say “she should do this,” and “he should not say that!” but I do not have to deal with the pressure and indoctrination that they do. I realized that unless there is strong biblical foundation, the Christian youth aren’t going to get anywhere, especially when their youth pastors’ are encouraging and promoting the idea that they cannot trust the very people God entrusted them to.

 

My observations since coming to the United States have led me to evaluate myself and my beliefs and to really seek out what it means to live a biblical Christian life. More specifically, what it means to live as a biblical woman in a modern society. I have come to realize that it all begins in the family. It is extremely important how I relate to my parents and siblings. Who are we to trust if we can’t trust our parents? They are the ones who know us the best, aren’t they? They know our weakness and our strengths. God gave us parents to guide and train us, so that we may be better enabled to serve Him. By not trusting our parents, aren’t we essentially saying we do not trust God?

 

The long and short of it is that this blog is a collection of my thoughts and observations since coming to America. More accurately, it is an account of my journey to becoming my father’s joy.