Well, I have so much running through my head lately and I have been extremely busy, rendering me indecisiveness on what to post about first. However, a topic on a forum (www.homeschoolalumni.org…if you are a home school alumni/graduate, check it out!) got me thinking on a this extremely fascinating topic, so I decided to write about it.
In the United States, polygamy is illegal and divorce is legal. The bible never (to my knowledge) actually directly addresses polygamy, but it does address divorce. It does, however, encourage only having one wife. As clarification, I do not endorse, approve, or advise polygamy! My point is this: in a culture where divorce is extremely common and polygamy not (it’s illegal…oh wait, I already said that), Christians make excuses for divorce (which the Bible directly addresses) but feels very strongly about polygamy (which is not, to my knowledge, directly addressed by the Bible).
Let me present a scenario: A married man gets involved with his secretary at a Christian organization. The secretary was a virgin when this man had her became pregnant. In disgrace and under the usual threats, this man had to decide which “family” he wanted. So, he chose the younger and divorced the first wife with something like six kids. The church, with the view that a man can not have “two wives,” forced the man to choose between his wife and the secretary. This, I believe, is wrong.
Another scenario: A newly saved divorced and re-married man is forced to leave his current wife by the church and return to his first wife (because a man should not have more than two wives…and divorce is wrong?) Does this even make sense!?!
Alright, neither of these scenarios are straight-in-your-face polygamy, but the philosophy behind the churches actions are their beliefs on polygamy.
Now you may be wondering what spurred this conversation in the forum. Let me present to you a less modern scenario that does deal with polygamy…and the church:
“A man married a woman. Later, he married her sister, to, which made everyone happy. Then some missionaries came along, and they got saved. In this story, the missionaries said he couldn’t be a Christian and have two wives, so they forced him to divorce one. After much hard deliberation, the older sister decided to voluntarily leave, in order to cause as little heartache as possible. Well, in the culture that he (the man with two wives) was in, certain work went to the men, and certain work went to the wives. She was getting burdened by all the work, and wanted him to find another wife. She was really glad he chose her sister, since they loved each other and this way got to spend more time together. It was a really happy relationship.”
This last scenario was refering to a Native American family from eons ago. Interestingly enough, the culture described in the scenario is quite similar to the one I grew up in. The only limit a Hmong man had on how many wives he could take was how many he could handle. I don’t recall ever having seen any families with more than one wife truly happy, but my family would not have advised any man to divorce a wife just because he had accepted Christ. Hmong woman generally married in order to have a home, not because of “love” (at least, not the wishy-washy love).
If a man has two wives before he becomes a Christian, should he be forced to divorce one after he becomes a Christian? I do not think so. I wonder why, when the bible is so strong about divorce, Christians are so willing to have a man or woman divorce in order to prevent having “two wives?” Two wrongs don’t make a right.
In case your thinking that these can’t be true scenarios…they are. I got them from people who have seen it happen…several times. My question is: Why?
Now, don’t get me wrong. Divorce is a tough subject, and sometimes it is almost unavoidable. My problem is when people take something the Bible doesn’t say a whole lot about and use it to do something the Bible says God hates!
Well, I think I exhausted my thoughts on this topic….so comment away!
Talitha Nun said,
April 1, 2008 at 2:26 am
“The bible never (to my knowledge) actually directly addresses polygamy, but it does address divorce. It does, however, encourage only having one wife”
Sarah,
You are right in many things you are saying as far as I can tell, and I was happy to find someone who acknowledges the fact that the bible indeed condemns divorce, and that modern day Churchinanity rather goes by its own traditions (for example insisting on members being monogamous) than by what the bible has to say.
But the above quoted statement is not true, at least in parts. The bible does not encourage a man to have only one wife, though it explicitly restricts the number of wives deacons and elders should have (1Ti 3:2,12; Tit 1:6), and it indeed addresses polygamy directly since Scripture makes no distinction between monogamous and polygamous marriages – either way it’s simply marriage, in other words, a life long covenant. So everything the bible says about marriage addresses polygamous as well as monogamous relationships, and neither is to be broken as far as God is concerned.
The marriage covenant mirrors God’s covenant with His people; idolatry and adultery are one and the same sin, as you can see for example in Jas 4:4: “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” If you criticize Churchianity for their stand on divorce or polygamy, they might not like it, but we are not called to be friends of the world. Instead, we are called to be true LawWord Keepers.
Looking forward to reading more on your blog
Grace and Peace,
Talitha
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psa 119:105)
myfathersjoy said,
April 2, 2008 at 5:27 am
Talitha,
Thank you very much for your comment.
Allow me to clarify what I meant by the Bible not “directly addressing” polygamy. Now I realize that I wasn’t communicating on my post what was in the back of mind. Simply that Jesus himself spoke about divorce, but never (to my knowledge) said anything about polygamy. Again, I realize that the Bible does not specifically “endorse” monogamy or polygamy, so many Christians interprets the “silence” in different ways. I have not personally done a whole lot of studying on this subject and do not pretend to be an authority on what the Bible says. However, I would like to say that my main issue with polygamy is that, having grown up in a society where it was both acceptable and common, I have never observed any true joy. I have seen why it would be desired and perhaps necessary in that culture, but I have observed nothing which would make me want (or advice anyone else) to be in a polygamous marriage.
I hope I am clear this time,
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond to my post.
Sarah
Talitha Nun said,
April 2, 2008 at 2:40 pm
“Simply that Jesus himself spoke about divorce, but never (to my knowledge) said anything about polygamy. Again, I realize that the Bible does not specifically “endorse” monogamy or polygamy, so many Christians interprets the “silence” in different ways.”
Sarah,
I might appear to be a stickler for detail here, but let me clarify again too:
The bible is not silent about polygamy. Every time Scripture mentions marriage, it speaks about polygamy just as much as it does about monogamy. Jesus, just like His contemporaries, did not have a concept of “family” or “marriage” like we do today, In fact, you can rightly claim that the bible is silent about the nuclear family (father, mother and 1.5 children) as such a concept did not exist back then. Funnily enough, when the bible talks about marriage, people think it talks about our modern day definitions of family and marriage. Well, it doesn’t. We need to let Scripture shape our world view, not the other way round.
I know that all this has precious little to do with your own preferences when it comes to marriage, and your blog is about your own journey after all… But regardless of your or my preferences here, what matters is what Scripture has to say, as always
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” (Pro 3:5-8)
Grace and Peace,
Talitha
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psa 119:105)
myfathersjoy said,
April 8, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Talitha,
You are right. My preferences do not matter more than what scriptures say.
Would you mind giving some verses regarding what your are saying?
Thanks,
Sarah
Talitha Nun said,
May 1, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Sarah,
Sorry for the delay…
Scriptural references to the Hebrew mindset concerning marriage and family would be, for example, Jesus using a polygamous marriage setting (the parable of the 10 virgins) in Mat 25 to talk about the Kingdom of Heaven. The example was not meant to be provocative as Jesus is talking to His disciples in Mat 24 and 25, strengthening them for the difficult times ahead of them.
Likewise, we see God talking about Himself (through Ezekiel) as the husband of two wives (Eze 23). Again, the image used is not meant to be provocative, but explanatory rather; the issue at hand is adultery / idolatry, not polygamous marriage.
And when Paul writes to Timothy and Titus (1 Ti 3, Titus 1), telling them to pick elders and deacons who are husbands of one wife only, this would indicate too that polygamy was still very common, otherwise the restriction would be unnecessary.
Grace and Peace,
Talitha
Talitha Nun said,
May 10, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Sarah,
Let me add an idea that has nothing to do with polygamy in particular, but shows you the Hebrew concept of family as a large family.
If you read Psalms 127 and 128, you find the following ideas:
1. Children are a blessing.
2. Fruitfulness is a blessing.
3. The more children you have, the more blessed you are.
You find mainly two images there that describe the amount of children we are talking about here. One is a quiver, the other shoots of an olive tree. Both images indicate a high number of children.
An archer with a quiver filled with two arrows, or even 5 or 10, is still a rather desperate archer for his arrows will be used up quickly. Holman’s Bible Dictionary says the average quiver held between 20 and 30 arrows, if strapped to a chariot even 50, so there you have the number of children this image refers to.
As for the shoots of an olive tree, those shoots grow up all around the stem of the parent plant and are rather sturdy and numerous, always ready to take over should the parent plant die.
The nuclear family with one child or two, three at most, is not a biblical concept at all. Psalm 127 ends in the idea that a man who has many children, or sons, can speak with the enemy in the gates, or his sons can do so (depending on which bible translation you are reading). It would not be wise to show up with your one or two sons to speak in the gates, but the more numerous your sons are, the better chances you have to prevail against your enemies.
That’s why I said earlier that “In fact, you can rightly claim that the bible is silent about the nuclear family (father, mother and 1.5 children) as such a concept did not exist back then”. The concept presented instead is that of a large, a very large family.
Grace and Peace,
Talitha
myfathersjoy said,
July 18, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Talitha,
I am sorry for waiting so long to reply to your comment.
How is Mathew 25 using an example of Polygamy to talk about the kingdom of Heaven?
And could you explain how Ezekiel 23 portrays God as having two wives? As far as I can see, he was saying that Samaria and Jerusalem stemmed from the same roots (one mother) and has turned away from God. But I don’t recall Ezekiel referring to God as the husband of two wives.
Thanks,
Sarah