“I would rather be here than anywhere else.” I heard a friend here say that yesterday, and it struck me because it put into words exactly how I feel. For the last 9 years I have lived everyday with an aching heart, a sense of brokenness, and a longing that I couldn’t get rid of. This last week I suddenly realized that for the first time in a very long time, my heart hasn’t hurt every waking moment. Everyday I wake up and my heart is at peace. The longing and the pain is gone.That isn’t to say that the last 9 years was horrible and a waste. It has actually been a beautiful time full of growth and life. I built friendships in these last few years that will last a lifetime. While it has been difficult, I can see how it has changed and strengthened me. And I can see why I needed to wait until this year to come here.
I am awakened almost every morning by the sound of 50+ children singing worship songs. Every afternoon I am greeted by 50+ smiles and hello’s as they come home from school. Every day I am given hugs by the sweetest children in the world, and every day I lose my heart to them a little more. Every day I see God’s love poured out through the R.N staff, international teams, and even the children. Every day I see evidence of God working in individual lives. Every day God works in my heart and life. Every day life is beautiful.
My Father's Joy Weblog 
For the last 9 years I have lived everyday with an aching heart, a sense of brokenness, and a longing that I couldn’t get rid of. This last week I suddenly realized that for the first time in a very long time, my heart hasn’t hurt every waking moment.
THIS. OMG THIS. My heart aches every moment. Love!
Marlana, I don’t know how I missed this! The ache is so real and so deep that I almost wish you don’t have it. All I can say is that I hope you find your way back soon